Never Mind the Logic

NFL Drinking Game

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 23:20:02 +0000

American Football can be a tough sport to follow for anyone, and I’ve explained the rules more times than I’d like to have with absolutely no insight provided. So instead, here’s a drinking game to take your mind off what’s actually happening.

1. Referee makes call before realising his microphone’s not turned on- drink.

2. Someone mentions Brett Favre- drink.

3. 2^nd down- drink. (Note, disregard this one if you do not live within 5km of emergency room)

4. Offensive lineman forgets the number he’s just been told and jumps offside- drink.

5. New England Patriots make a play which leads you to believe they are not men but in fact the gods of Olympus come down to dominate man- drink.

6. You wonder if the quarterback feels like a Cheerio in a bowl of Wheetos- drink.

7. Commentator strongly exaggerates- drink. Example- “The linebacker literally broke the runner in half”

8. Receiver accidentally runs into his teammates on the sideline- drink.

9. You see a player with golden teeth- drink.

10. Kicker gets knocked down by defender who thought it would be funny- drink.

Photo

Wed, 22 Sep 2010 00:37:02 +0100

Photo

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 07:39:16 +0000

I’m worried this won’t go down as well as intended....

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:46:28 +0000

I’m worried this won’t go down as well as intended. Also her hair looks like a wild track road animal.

Photo

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:20:00 +0000

Nothing in this world is more infuriating.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:29:25 +0000

Nothing in this world is more infuriating.

Think this is insensitive? Lose some weight!

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:23:08 +0000

Think this is insensitive? Lose some weight!

I’m not uploading my Lord of the Flies comic because the...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:08:52 +0000

I’m not uploading my Lord of the Flies comic because the mean boys at flag football said hurtful things about it.

Catherine deserves a lot of credit for this one, it came from a...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:07:13 +0000

Catherine deserves a lot of credit for this one, it came from a conversation we had about dentists. Obviously.

The first of my Express comics. I’m not a sellout!...

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:04:00 +0000

The first of my Express comics. I’m not a sellout! Incidentally, I sketched this comic in a politics lecture two years ago. Ask Daniel Lynch, he’ll tell you.

Not my best effort but I reeeaaally hate charity muggers.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:21:57 +0100

Not my best effort but I reeeaaally hate charity muggers.

Photo

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:11:49 +0100

Sorry for the delay all, Hope to have another up very shortly!

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:09:28 +0100

Sorry for the delay all, Hope to have another up very shortly!

Photo

Sun, 31 May 2009 14:34:43 +0100

Photo

Sun, 31 May 2009 01:15:32 +0100

I’m going to Mexico on the 5th of June. You hear me First...

Mon, 04 May 2009 18:24:10 +0100

I’m going to Mexico on the 5th of June. You hear me First Choice?!?!?

A myriad of wasted events...

Sat, 02 May 2009 22:31:14 +0100

Byron Murphy shows how we could make life a bit more fun, by aiming our night time social events towards dates and holidays that have real significance.

We always hear of the about the Irish drinking culture in a negative light on the news and from the lips of band wagon hopping politicians, and maybe this is not entirely undeserved. Walking through town on a Saturday night is a grand testament to this. Don’t worry, you’re not reading another self righteous “plight of society” rant, I myself enjoy the odd casual night out with a few friends and I’ve been partial to the serious “Where did I leave my kidney?” sessions. The solution to our antisocial image, I feel, is to give meaning to these events and celebrate one of the many occasions which pass us by every year.

The first of these, and the event which inspired me to write this, is the annual birthday. Now you may say “Byron you fascinating rapscallion that’s a moot point, everyone celebrates their birthday!” This is true but we tend not to properly celebrate it. What I mean is we celebrate the date of our birthday, which I feel is illogical. What you should do is start the night before and when 12 o clock comes around break out the champers. Then the day after you can celebrate the date itself. It just makes more practical sense. That’s what I did this year, and it was fantastic.

One wasted annual festivity is Victory in Europe Day, celebrating the cessation of the Second World War. Many of the Allied nations (with specific reference to our friendly neighbourhood oppressors) view this as the symbol of a colossal moral victory over the evil Axis force, marking their surrender on the 7^th and 8^th of May. Now Ireland was not technically part of WWII, we simply went about our business while allowing the odd British fighter pilot to sneak Scooby Doo style over the border. That said, I think everybody can appreciate peace and what better way to do this than borrowing a boat and re-enacting the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan on Garryvoe beach.

Another example of this is Martin Luther King Day. Occurring on the third Monday in January, it is a time when African Americans can celebrate the life of the man who fronted the Civil Rights movement and a time when white Americans can pay their respects to the inspirational leader they shot. Again, not an Irish holiday but since America celebrates St. Patrick’s Day I feel it is a fair trade.

Mardi Gras is a holiday which we do celebrate in one sense. Across the Atlantic it is tradition on the day before Ash Wednesday to drive/fly/swim to New Orleans where large parades take place, one of these being the famous flash-for-beads parade. In Ireland we eat lots of pancakes. I like pancakes as much as the next man but I reckon something of a reorganisation is warranted in this regard.

Last but not least is the vastly underappreciated International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Falling on the 19^th of September, we should all honour the Golden Age of Piracy annually. Not limited to speech, it is also an opportune time to don the pirate regalia and bury a doghouse in the place of a treasure chest (Take the dog out first). I do fear however that this event may alienate some people so I feel we should consider making the 20^th of September ‘International Talk Like a Dyslexic Pirate Day’. RAAAA!!

The point I’m trying to make is that a big part of why Ireland is viewed as a nation of alcoholics (see the episode of Family Guy where Peter traces his roots) is because we drink all the time for no reason. We should therefore instead drink all the time for an actual reason. There are many more occasions than the ones listed above and that’s without bringing in holidays from other cultures, something we should be doing anyway. So the next time you want to go out and have a laugh spend a minute by typing the date into Wikipedia and find yourself a reason to celebrate.

The pains of living at home

Sat, 02 May 2009 22:28:12 +0100

Living at home has it’s perks, but all things considered moving out should be the option students go for, writes Byron Murphy.

There is a common misconception in UCC circles that those who live at home with their parents are ‘better off’ than those who brave the city and move into student accommodation. I can of course see why this notion is so popular, those living at home have the benefit of food which wasn’t cooked for 4 minutes on 800 Watts, and in most cases when they put their clothes in the wash pile, they don’t remain there for weeks, but rather wash, iron and fold themselves to be ready for wear a few days later. Principally, though, the best part of living at home are the financial perks. No rent, bills or food costs is a pretty sweet deal, even for a frivolous spender like myself. If milked for its full worth you could hypothetically go entire days without spending anything more than transport costs. This hasn’t happened to me yet, but it may well some day.

So you may find this sounds like the perfect way to live out your college days, in comfort and wealth. The reality, I would argue, is quite different. There may not be grass outside most student apartments, but if there was I can assure you it would be greener than that found in my garden. First and foremost I don’t think anyone can deny the fact that moving away from home is the ultimate form of liberation. It allows you to become your own master, and after the compulsory year of excess it prepares you to go out into the working world without having to worry about starving to death.

First and foremost I don’t think anyone can deny the fact that moving away from home is the ultimate form of liberation.

Coming up to Christmas this freedom is particularly taken for granted. Tis’ the season for excess as we all know, but this is impeded viciously when living with ones parents. Should I choose to wake up Christmas afternoon on my kitchen table I’d rather it wasn’t to the sound of my family pulling Christmas crackers above my face. And if I do partake of the Barracks Street challenge this year I feel I will be unfairly hampered by the need to get a taxi home, while most people have only to find their house (usually within no more than 15 minutes walking distance, before alcohol is involved) and throw themselves on the aforementioned kitchen table.

Now we come to the absolute worst part of living at home outside of the city centre, the horror that is the Glanmire bus service. Never has an institute existed more purely in name than this. Putting aside punctuality which is a big factor, it has happened on more than one occasion that a bus simply has not turned up at all. The layout of the timetable is as anti-student as one could imagine. If you have a lecture at 9 the 8 o’ clock bus will rarely get you in on time with traffic and if you have a lecture at 10 you still have to get the 8 o’ clock. Compare this to the average of five-minutes-to-the-lecture when students in accommodation have to leave. I wouldn’t mind it that much except for the fact that this is the bus most densely populated with nutters. Any chance of a relaxing commute to the city centre goes out the window when there are people staring at you, talking to themselves or staring at you while they talk to themselves. The obvious alternative is to cycle but from one who has an experience of driving (which was swiftfully and painfully cut short), the deepest depths of hell are reserved for those on bicycles.

So living at home during college is a double edged sword. Yes, you will save a fortune and will eat food classed as edible but the restrictions are too tough to handle. If you own a car, living at home shouldn’t be that difficult but in all other circumstances, students should try to fly the nest whenever possible.

Some updates

Sat, 02 May 2009 14:55:03 +0100

I’ve made some changes to the overall look of the site, I feel its a great improvement. Added now is a search box, a mobile version of the site at http://nevermindthelogic.tumblr.com/mobile and the description which disappeared somehow when I installed the old theme. I’ve put up a new header, which James also made (His blog- http://basiserased.blogspot.com/, quite good!). Let me know what you think of the changes, if you have suggestions also I’d love to hear. More articles coming soon.

Alive! and misinformingly kicking

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 01:00:46 +0100

A few months ago I wrote an open letter to the editor of Alive! magazine, one Fr Brian McKevitt, describing how I felt his publication was filled with lies and propaganda and instead of promoting Catholicism, which is its primary goal, the overwhelming self-righteousness found on its pages served only to alienate those who are not the biggest fans of dogma. The open letter was printed in my college newspaper, Fr McKevitt displayed the Catholic bravery which he so strongly pushes in his editorials by not responding to me in any way, shape or form and everyone was happy. Except today another copy was pushed through my letterbox. So I’ll be sending him this little post too. You can read everything which I comment on here- http://www.alive.ie/archives.php and judge for yourself but since you are currently on the internet and presumably not a home-ridden cross-wielding hermit you will most likely see what I see. You might ask yourself “Why is this handsome rogue spending so much time reading and discussing this drivel?” and I must admit I can understand why. But you see I started on this road as a news writer and genuinely did my best to be as fair as possible to all sides whom I talked about. So when I see this absolute abomination of a publication, it makes me feel physically unwell.

I will surrender one point to the bigots who write this, I am certainly not the target audience this paper it aimed at. They look to deliver the good word to the elderly and the weak minded dependants out there and as a 19 year old who writes opinion pieces for a college newspaper, I don’t think I tick any of those boxes. But I am a Roman Catholic, admittedly not a very devout or practising one, but a Catholic none the less. I suspect this is less of a personal choice on my part and more of a conditioned fear that if I deny this I will burst into flames and continue to burn for all eternity, which is just unfair. However if I was looking for confirmation of my beliefs Alive! “news”paper is not where I would look (I use the bunny-marks over news there because they might call themselves a newspaper but believe me, every word in it pushes a ridiculously conservative agenda).

The aspect of Fr. Brian McKevitt’s editorial I shall focus on today is the article he entitles “Cork hospital lecture should be cancelled”. This was regarding a pro-euthanasia lecture by UK Professor Len Doyle at Cork University Hospital. The editor’s argument was that “Some things are so clearly evil we refuse to even debate them, to consider any argument in favour-rape, the gassing of Jews, child sexual exploitation, and so on”, and instead of running with the richness of a priest talking about the sexual exploitation of children I will take issue with the idea that we should not be allowed to talk about mercy killing. You see I am a fan of the Socratic Method, whereby any half-reasonable issue should be at least be given a floor for debate. I don’t have an opinion on euthanasia myself, I prefer not to comment on medical/moral issues which do not concern me (and hopefully will never!), but the idea that we should not be permitted even to speak about it is shameful.

So, you may wonder, what happened at this lecture? It was, of course cancelled due to the actions of enraged pro lifers who shouted abuse at Prof. Doyle. Led by the dogmatic scum-bags, the Youth Defence, they chanted the Rosary and screamed that euthanasia was state sponsored murder. Not the activities of any organisation/religion I would like to be a part of.

Another small note which annoyed me was the fact that the good Father felt homosexual relationships should not be granted legal standing. One really wonders why he would be against such a move. The argument against gay marriage was that it was ‘against God’, but why are homosexuals not allowed the secular rights we are? He stated “The RTE radio show, Today With Pat Kenny, had a discussion about giving legal standing to homosexual relationships. The guests were 4-0 in favour. This was not simply RTE pushing the gay agenda; it was also the deliberate exclusion of the Christian voice.” I personally think this is more to do with the fact that gay people deserve to have an equal legal status as the rest of us. I’m a Christian and I’m in favour of not only the equal recognition of gay civil marriages, but of gay Catholic marriages also. It’s a sign of the times that all four members of the panel would agree with the introduction of the right. Unfortunately the extremists are holding the Civil Unions up in the Dail, where they fear it will cause a 50/50 split in the country. Of course the reality would be more in the region of 90/10 but the vocal bigots will continue to instill fear in the hearts of our weak-minded TDs.

Before I spend any more time sending myself grey or tearing out my hair entirely I will stop reading this edition. But do have a look at the link and let me know how you feel about this. I am personally of the opinion that this magazine should not be allowed to be printed without a warning label stating “NONE OF THIS IS FACT” or “READING THIS MAY CAUSE INTOLERANCE, HOMOPHOBIA AND RACISM”. Or better yet, not printed at all. I honestly believe every opinion should be heard but this goes beyond opinion. It is presented in a way which may look to some as fact and is the literal definition of propaganda. The editor’s email is editor@alive.ie, if you feel as strongly as I do about accuracy and truth in the media, feel free to send him a message telling him, and let him know Byron says hi!

P.S. I know this is neither a gaming article nor a comic but its my only little soapbox so I do hope you will forgive its posting. I’ll get cracking on some comics as soon as possible, apologies in the delay but the college exams are coming up soon!